Ephesians 4:30-32 The Message
30 Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.
31-32 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
The Word of God for the Children of God.
Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost;
as it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be,
world without end. Amen, amen.
Forgiving your spouse can be one of the most difficult elements of marriage.
It’s not that we necessarily want to hold grudges or stay bitter, but there’s something somewhat frightening about extending forgiveness to the person who has the capability of betraying our trust, our oaths, hurting us the most.
And yet, the Bible commands we do so.
Colossians 3:12-13 covenants husbands and wives to a very specific course of action and a carefully considered, and well ordered set of moral behaviors,
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
It might help to remember that forgiveness doesn’t equal acceptance nor does it mean condoning. By forgiving your spouse, you aren’t saying that what they did or said was okay or right. It doesn’t mean they get to do it again. And it doesn’t even mean there won’t be very necessary, often required by God consequences.
Matthew 19:1-12 The Message
Divorce
19 1-2 When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. Great crowds followed him there, and he healed them.
3 One day the Pharisees were badgering him: “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”
4-6 He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”
7 They shot back in rebuttal, “If that’s so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?”
8-9 Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.”
10 Jesus’ disciples objected, “If those are the terms of marriage, we haven’t got a chance. Why get married?”
11-12 But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
Those consequences might vary, but the act of forgiving isn’t an option.
It’s a command for believers.
Jesus told Peter and the others gathered in Matthew 18 to forgive not once, but seventy times seven. This isn’t to say, grab a calculator and keep tabs on how many times your spouse messes up, so you can both be off the hook. Rather, this is an example of how we are covenanted, called to forgive over and over.
And before you begin to think that’s impossible or unfair, consider Jesus’ next words in Matthew 18.
He points out the parable of the man who was forgiven a great debt, yet turned around and held another’s debt over his head until he paid every last penny.
The one who canceled the man’s debt was furious at his lack of compassion.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
This is a reminder that we have each sinned greatly, and Christ has forgiven us.
Therefore, we can and must turn around and forgive others.
**Disclaimer** The Bible doesn’t advocate, expect, for spouses to stay subjective to a spouses physical, emotional, spiritual harm, child abuse, substance abuse, sexual abuse or other forms of violence. It doesn’t mean if your spouse beats you up that you have to simply forgive and let them do it again and again. Now, If this is your situation, definitely talk to the police, a counselor or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) and get the help you need. You can work on forgiveness and healing from a safe place.
That same teaching is backed up here in Mark.
Mark 11:25 (ESV) And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
All sin either will be, or has been, dealt with.
There’s no need to avenge ourselves.
You might think that because there wasn’t an earthly punishment that the person got away with it.
Not so, my friend. Every offense, every crime, every single thing done wrong against you will be addressed.
Either it was punished through Christ on the cross, or it’ll be dealt with in Hell.
For us to withhold forgiveness means we’re essentially saying one of two things: either this person hurt us so badly that even the eternal fires of Hell isn’t a good enough punishment, or that the finished work of Christ on the cross wasn’t effective enough, strong enough, to cover this particular offense.
Yikes.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be found by God Capital Level guilty of either of those extreme mindsets (Philippians chapter 2).
As difficult and nearly impossible as it can be to be hurt by your spouse or feel like you’re constantly forgiving them for similar things over and over again, the Bible sternly commands each of us to respond with grace, love, compassion and forgiveness as that’s exactly how God responds to us thru Savior Jesus Christ.
In the name of God, the Father and God the Son and God the Holy Spirit,
Let us Pray,
Psalm 23 The Message
23 1-3 God, my shepherd!
I don’t need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I’m not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd’s crook
makes me feel secure.
5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.
6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I’m back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost;
as it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be,
world without end. Amen, amen.
Loving God, Living God, Loving Hope, Living Hope, Loving Living Life His Way! "Many things are possible for the person who has hope. Even more is possible for the person who has faith. And still more is possible for the person who knows how to love. But everything is possible for the person who practices all three virtues." - Brother Lawrence (1605-1691), Practicing the Presence of God (1692). 